i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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