I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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