You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
