I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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