Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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