i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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