Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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