She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize