I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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