I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize