when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
