honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
