Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
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Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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