Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
