He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
my liver is dry heaving
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
