did you get engaged???
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
