He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
