I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
