I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
