Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
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I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
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Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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