you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
After tacos, we're chasing women.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
