im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
