I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
