WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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