Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The ass gains better be worth it
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