My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
