THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
