Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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