My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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