I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
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I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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