I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
