I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
