Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
