I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize