I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Randomize
