Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
