bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
