she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
