She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
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he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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