I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
