My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
