he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
