i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
