i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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