Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
