spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
