You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
