I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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