grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
