am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
