he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
