I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
