do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
