Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
