Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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