Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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