Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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