youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
