Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
