The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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