I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
