4 words: hood of his car
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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