All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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