You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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