It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i dont even know how to be here
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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