He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
