I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
