would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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