he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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