I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
They took my balls.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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