Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
