I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.