You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
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Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize