Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
