i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...