Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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