The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.