I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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