I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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