I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
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How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
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Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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