areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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