Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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