What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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